Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
