i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
