This is not my ceiling
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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