I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
