I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
