The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
