there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
