White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
love makes seman taste better
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
