I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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