I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will pee on everything he values.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
