one two three fourrrrnication!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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