he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
