sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
