I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
