Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
