Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm too high and old for this...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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