Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
