he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
