She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
