I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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