That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
