Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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