So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If I die, sorry about rent.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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