in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
