4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
literally had 100 drinks last night.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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