My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
