I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
