I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
