i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
