so that wasnt chicken after all
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
