Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
