k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
