Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
