i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
