as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
