what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
