i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
