I'll bet she douches with gravy.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
