I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
