I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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