She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
