you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
