mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
