what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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