I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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