how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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