Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
