ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Randomize
