Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
PANTIES FOUND
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