My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
