i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
